Episode 9: Muses of the Mournful Mind

[Jason]

So... if Amelia could NOT go tonight, that would be sexy. 10-3 becomes 8-3 becomes 6-3 becomes 4-3. Suddenly this game is very short.
If not... 10-3 becomes 10-2, then 8-2, 6-2, 4-2, 2-2.


Problem is this: Amelia is GOING to go. Jenya's to the point where Spy or not she'd vote Amelia over a lesser suspect. And looking at my voting record.... It's pretty bad. I need to vote for a Spy again soon and by helping push the vote I'll look better hopefully.

Pete and I are both in great positions at the moment... Pete more so than me, I think. Basically, we need 4 misexiles to win the game. Gretchen, Boris, and Khaled are all great potential misexiles. We need to be considering who our final Exile is going to be and who we should Imprison. Currently Levi is someone I definitely want in the final round. If we leave him as one of the Final cits when it's 2-2 we'll be golden; I think he'd vote for anyone else over Pete and I if we play our cards right... We just have to decide on a good final Exile and let the rest fall into place.


My biggest concern is... Kirsten would be a great final exile. It'd be suspicious that she's still in the game at that point, and Levi would be predisposed towards voting her over Pete and I because she went after him for such a long time.
But at the same time, she did lead the way for Donald and Iris. However, we can use Jenya's case that she backed off Donald as a possible catalyst.


Breaking thought randomly, I think it's good that my memory is so bad because that's honestly helped me out... I don't think Jenya or Khaled would suspect that a Spy would be so carelessly forgetful with his role. Little do they know that Mofo is carelessly forgetful about EVERYTHING, including posting Spy Conversations to the Burg and leaving them there for 30 seconds.


Anyway, I need a shower.


So yeah, plus there's the fact that Kirsten thinks I 'slipped' about when I knew Ellis was the Protector. Of course Ellis WASN'T the Protector so actually that shouldn't be an issue and I just wasted a few seconds of both your life and mine by typing this paragraph, sorry about that.


Anyway, basically, I want to win this game because winning is good. The end!

[Jason]

The Creation and Legacy of Jason: Learning to Spy By Not Spying
Episode FIve







So I was wondering if you could help me, you know, learn to be a better Spy?

"Fuck off, dumb dumb! I don't have time for you"

Umm... But you're supposed to! The Master Mofo said to...

"Whatevs, ok what do you want, kid? I'm the best Spy hunter in the world and nobody ever listened to me even though I was always right, just look at that bitch Beatrix. I had that skank's number all damn game but the fucktard crybaby citizens didn't listen to me because "Waaaahhh it's the Shootout, lets wait until after!"


Uh.... Actually if this is a bad time...

"STFU bitch now's fine. What do you want to know?"


...Well, what was your strategy for not getting exiled?


"You really want to know?"

Yes, please...

"THEN SHUT YOUR GOD DAMNED MOUTH YOU LITTLE FUCKING WEASEL SPY!"

Uuuuuhhh...............?

"That's my strategy."

What is?

"Pissing people the fuck off, dumb dumb. You think people will like you if you piss them off? Hell no. Spies want to be liked so they pussyfoot around like little bitches sucking the cocks off the fat, ugly Citizens that can't get any poontang otherwise and then I come around and kick their shit to the curb and they cry like little three year olds with an ear infection."


So... Pissing people off is good?

"DUH! Is your brain working properly or is it hard to get through to it due to that ugly rag of raccoon penis shit you call a hairdo?"


Uh.... I'm uh...... Could you explain further?

"I guess if I need to dumb it down for your inferior brain I'll do it. Fine, you piss people off. They say "what the fuck is this bitch's problem?" and want to exile you."

And it's GOOD to be exiled? That doesn't make sense...

"No shit, downie, you don't GET exiled, you ALMOST get exiled. You give them enough fuel to not get Imprisoned and then you just balance it out by fucking awesome Spyhunting. Only in your case it will have to be Spy bussing."

So I should push my fellow Spies for exiles? That will piss them off -_-

"OMG DUH! THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT! YOU DO THINGS TO PISS PEOPLE OFF AND THEN YOU WIN!"

So... I push my Spy buddies, I look good, and then I have leeway to do other things in between without fear of truly being Exiled?

"Yep. And make sure to make some Vagisil references, too, people like that."



Sounds like you could use some of that yourself....

"Excuse me? Prick you don't know the shit I do, back the fuck off! Go masturbate to pictures of whales and orangutans, or are those pictures of your mom and sister? Oops, my bad, it's easy to confuse the two."


Wow... It was ........nice talking to you, but I REALLY need to go.

"Sure, I don't care. Do what you want."


So... Piss my Spy buddies off by pushing them, and that makes me look better to Citizens... I guess bussing is an important part of being a Spy, too? I'll have to experiment with that early on and see how it goes...

[Jason]

Levi I will LOVE you if you get Boris exiled tonight!! Tiberius has already jumped on board, Amelia's voting that way too, and now maybe you... And perhaps Khaled will after seeing what's going on in chat.

If Boris goes tonight and Pete and I stick with Amelia vote in a close one, then she goes next round, we look AWESOME and the people that voted Boris look terrible so we just exile them and I make love to everyone.

[Jason]

Master Mofo - Well hello there, Burgies, welcome to another episode of the Sexiest Show in the World! I'm your Sexy Host, Mofo Trey, the insidious master of doom, despair, and diapers. We're here tonight with Jason, the coolest SexySpy in the universe, whose goal is to be AWESOME AND AMAZING! Hello Jason, how are you?

Jason - I'd be better if I wasn't just waiting to get Exiled and lose and fail at this game like everything else...

Master Mofo - Now Jason, you don't have to be so negative all the time...

Jason - Haven't we had this conversation before?

Master Mofo - Of course not, don't be silly! So anyway, you lost Amelia, a fellow Spy, this round. Tell me, it hurts, doesn't it?

Jason - Oh, tons. Amelia was by far the best Spy ever, and a great partner. She was always online and posting in order to collaborate with the rest of us, and she always acted in a way that took her fellow Spies into consideration. What really was impressive is that she was able to subtly manipulate Citizens and use her close relationships to the advantage of all the Spies. Her definitive moment was when she SO cleverly self-voted to trick Citizens into believing that she was a confirmed Citizen this episode!!! It was such a great idea; I can't believe I didn't think of it first.

Master Mofo - Okay, so now that we've got the sarcasm out of our system, how about a serious answer?

Jason - I can't stop dancing!

Master Mofo - To be fair, Amelia DID try to help Iris out.

Jason - Yeah... That was basically the only thing she did. But... Seriously... SELF VOTE!?!?!? She was on mere HOURS before the exile... for over an hour... And decided it wasn't a good idea to go ahead and vote the person she KNEW was the other target for Exile... I just don't even understand that at all.

Master Mofo - Well, isn't that basically the story of all the fallen Spies so far?

Jason - Basically. Almathea went too strong too early and died for it. Jaya lurked and made bad decisions. Donald got a bit unlucky; I don't think he can really be blamed... Iris did a fairly good job but she really screwed up her claim... Had she not mentioned the Confessional thing she might have been fine... And Amelia... Self voted at her own Exile. That's just not cool.


Master Mofo - Not at all... So, you're in a spot where you have to survive an extra Exile now. Tell me, does that suck?

Jason - It does suck, actually. Basically, it's 10-2. If we're perfect we need 4 Mislynches to bring it to 2-2 and victory. How do we do that? Roxy, Tiberius, Jenya, Khaled after investigated, and the Investigation person are all going to be impossible exiles. We have 4 Imprisonments and 5 people that need to be Imprisoned...

Master Mofo - I'm sure you'll think of something... Why dn't you give me a pretend scenario for fun??

Jason - Somehow I knew you'd work a prediction chart into this interview since I didn't post any in my confessional.... Okay, here it goes:


Imprison Tiberius
Exile Gretchen
Imprison Jenya
Exile Boris
Imprison Roxy
Exile Georgia
Imprison Khaled
Exile Kirsten

Pete and Jason then overpower, defile, pillage, and burn the corpses of Levi and Mirela and WIN.


Master Mofo - Well, that's certainly feasible. Can you guess the potential problem with it, though??


Jason - Well, obviously if the Role-holder Investigator person is one of the ones being Exiled then they can claim and save themselves... It's absolutely imperative that Jenya go after Tiberius. The reason I don't want her to go now is that I already told her I'd protect her and she probably mentioned it to someone else. If I don't and she goes all fingers point at me and I curl into a ball and cry.

Master Mofo - If I can say this inoffensively, you've used this role a bit TOO citizen-like if you ask me. You have to remember that you're a SPY and that you don't need to keep offering to do such pro-Cit things that actually HURT you as a Spy. Now, it's not often that I admonish my padawans, but you, sir, need to be careful. You're in relative danger at the moment and I don't like it. CHECK YO'SELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YO'SELF BITCH1

Jason - Indeed... I won't disappoint you, Master Mofo.

Master Mofo - Good. Now, go, my apprentice, and sow seeds of dissent.



Edit: For underlined formatting sexiness.

[sluticia]

I love Delilah. Still.