Here's my post in the Spy HQ:
I screwed up. I took a baseball bat, pulled down my pants, and sat on it and spun around.
spies6Jenya (12:56:35 PM): What was your power-up?
spies6jason (12:56:38 PM): We might need to throw some misdirection out there or something, I'm worried they might try to break us up
spies6jason (12:56:47 PM): I can deflect TWO people for the next 4 rounds
spies6Jenya (12:56:59 PM): Wow.
spies6jason (12:57:14 PM): How about yours?? Please tell me its uber and will win us the game lol
spies6Jenya (12:57:33 PM): I can protect two at the next three Imprisonments.
spies6jason (12:57:50 PM): lol wow, it seems like the powerups might all be double then
All good, she bought it and everything. Daises are growing in the lush green fields surrounded by placid forests and wilderness.
spies6Jenya (1:04:44 PM): The best news today:
spies6Jenya (1:05:02 PM): I can confirm you as a Citizen 100% before the next Exile.
spies6jason (1:05:14 PM): Lol sweet, how so?
spies6Jenya (1:05:14 PM): Right now I'm only 98% on you.
spies6Jenya (1:05:28 PM): Because if you can deflect double, you had to be a cit to win that power-up.
spies6jason (1:05:43 PM): Very true, that's going to be nice
spies6Jenya (1:06:06 PM): So I'll just tell Ellis that if I die, I'm pretty sure you're a spy, and if not, we'll confirm you Friday
BUBOIC PLAGUE STRIKES THE WORLD AND EVERYONE ROTS AND DIES!
FUCK MY LIFE.
Here's the only way I can figure out how to save myself...
I don't log on or post after next Exile, and I'll say I got blocked from doing anything in the Burg... Meanwhile... We have to get rid of Ellis and Jenya pretty much ASAP.
I might have just fucked myself out of this game and I feel extremely stupid right now... How the hell did I manage this!?!?!? Anyway, I'm going to try to keep my mouth shut about all of you guys because I don't want to give anymore evidence for Cits to look at should I go.
If anyone has some ideas on how I can get myself out of this one I'll love you forever...
Here's the one thing I don't know that might help us... she said 2 people each at the next three
Imprisonments . If it's not including Exiles then she'll never know whether I deflected her shit or not. And here's the better part... she protected two this round for Imprisonment so if it alternates I only have to survive one exile (which can be the episode I was blocked from the Burg) and she really won't be able to do anything about it. I'll just say "Oh yeah, sure, I'll deflect these people" the next round and we can just not Imprison either one and nobody will be the wiser.
I might be able to survive this... I tried to remain cool and calm about it and I think I did so in IM conversations, but externally I'm flipping out over here...
I HAVE THE PERFECT SOLUTION!!!
I should have said my Power Up Ability was that now my switches are Reciprocal... So any action on Billy the Bastard would go to Shannon the Slut, but that ALSO any actions done to Shannon the Slut would go to Billy the Bastard.
I can't believe I didn't think about this for days when it was announced that if we won the challenge we'd get powerups...
Why did I even tell Jenya? I could have waited few more rounds like I originally planned... Her powerup would be long gone ad I could say whatever I want as my powerup because it'd have been long gone, too. I suck. I should be castrated by Yvette.
P.S. As a side note, DC, do you appreciate my "SHIT SHIT SHIT" homage? ; D I'm hoping it will channel the Spies 3 Spy Team's winning record into my spirit...
Anyway, I have a plan to get out of this despite my enormous stupidity and lack of insight and planning ahead. Here's how it goes:
For Imprisonments I have NOTHING to prove. I can say "Yeah sure I'll deflect these motherfuckers for you." and it won't matter. I can tell her I'm deflecting role abilities onto making Barack Obama immune from Imprisonment and she can't dispute shit.
But for Exiles... I'm more screwed than Frankenstein's head. I'm more fucked than Jenna Jameson. I'm in more shit than a plumber. I'm more raped than ... Well, perhaps the analogies should stop there...
Anyway, for Exiles I have to prove myself.
..............Or DO I?
It just so happens that Donald has a role that can block me from the Burg for an entire episode. Like the Blink 182 CD says, that makes me want to take off my pants and jacket.
Obviously this will be very coincidental, but how the hell can poor Citizen Jason help it if he happened to get blocked from the Burg like that?? I'm just an innocent bystander in a deadly game.
Help me Donald Kenobi, you're my only hope.
I thought about plenty of other ideas, here's a list of them:
"Oh, by the way, Jenya, I meant to say that my role powerup is double deflections AFTER your three double protections are up. I guess Sam wants to split them up. DEE DEE DEE."
Fail.
"Oh, it turns out that unlike I previously thought I can't actually target people more than once or target myself and it just so happens that in round one I was able to deflect 10 people, so... Unfortunately I can't deflect anyone anymore."
Fail.
"Hi, this is the real Jason... Earlier today my brother, who has Downs Syndrome, was on my computer playing with AIM. He might have said some silly things, but rest assured nothing he said is valid."
Fail.
"Ugh... I feel so woosey. 'Why?' you ask? Well, let me tell you why! This morning I was sitting down at my computer desk and a dresser fell on top of me and landed on my head. I've been having hallucinations ever since and I just wanted to let you know that I misread my role powerup..."
Fail. (Sadly the dresser falling on my head story is not made up.........)
"When I talked to you earlier today I was actually under the control of a Spy. One of the Spies has the ability to Mind Control one person per episode for one hour and it happened to be me this time. It's weird because after we talked they had me take naked pictures of myself and post them to Collegehumor.com"
Fail.
"Oh hi, Jenya.... I toooootally forgot that I could deflect TWO people this round. It was an honest mistake and it has nothing to do with the fact that only a Cit could receive Powerups and that this would have proved that I received a role power up."
Fail.
"OMG MY NET WAS DOWN AND I COULDN'T MAKE MY ROLE ABILITY CHOICES IN TIME!111 WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU??11?>?1>1.?"
Actually this might work...
Could that work? I wonder... I mean all I have to do is not sign on, not check the boards, and... Wait... I CAN GO OUT OF TOWN next week!! That would be perfect! Not an announced out of town, either, I'll post it Monday night at about 4AM to the "I'm Away" thread in the Burg and PM Jenya a message saying "Oh, I need to know who you're Protecting this round by 7AM or I'll have to deflect two random people to two other random people because I'm going out of town with friends for a few days on a spur of the moment road trip and I don't have time to get things together. Let me know! Hope you're online between the hours of 4AM and 7AM because I know most people are!!"
I love myself. That will totally work! Of course she'll ask why I didn't PM my deflection choices to her but I'll say it was late/early and I was in a hurry and didn't think about it.
Okay I feel a lot better now, I think I'll be okay afterall. It's still not as perfect or sexy as it was before but I can and WILL survive this, and I shall please my Master Mofo (not in the dirty way... Pervs!).
That's all for now.